Skillet
by SharpiesInAGayRainbow
Summary: As Demyx reminisces of a beautiful childhood, Zexion laments the loss of his one love. Rated T, GAY like a Rainbow, Zemyx/AkuDem.
1. Inner Universe

**This story can be read two ways. All of the top parts first (save for the last chapter), then all of the bottom parts, or just as a regular story.**

* * *

I met him when I was four. He was the intelligent, soft-spoken one. I was the loud, ditzy one. We went together like my mother's home-made ice cream, and his mother's home-made brownies. We were inseparable. Where ever you saw a mop of tousled tawny hair, steel locks much the same followed closely.

We were both very touchy-feely. A hand held here, a kiss on the cheek there. Sleepovers in the same bed, one's clothes found on the other often. He'd read all of his favourite books to me, and I'd sing all of my favourite songs to him. I'd say thanks, and hug him very close, not releasing him until I was sure he'd gotten the extent of my gratitude. He'd say thanks, and kiss my lips once, very quickly, not needing the length to convey how happy he was.

I couldn't tell you when Zexion and I fell in love, because it feels like we've always been.

* * *

He met me when I was five. Always a year older than him, but it was never enough to keep us apart. I was standing in a crowd of insane girls, shouting confessions of undying love and passion to the blond boy on the stage, singing his heart out. Earlier this year, I would have been sure within an inch of my life that his heart was being sung out to me. But he got distant, and now I feel like I'm walking on thin ice.

It started out with heated make-out sessions in every conceivable, relatively well-hidden place. When school started for grade eleven, we cut it down to just behind a locker, just when we both happened to go to the bathroom at the same time. But then... He stopped secretly holding my hand under the desks in maths, he stopped walking home with me, he stopped meeting me in the morning. And just yesterday, I saw that idiot's arm around his waist.

I couldn't tell you when Demyx and I fell out of love, because I wouldn't be able to hold back the tears.

**-.-'-.-'-.-**

_**A/N: **Ahhh... So, here it is, a story all good and finished, down the the very last chapter._

_The title of the story is my current obsession, an amazing indie band who have stolen my heart, though Escape the Fate will always hold one special spot._

_The title of every chapter is the song I had on shuffle while writing. Usually ending up working REALLY well with the mood._

_NOW REVIEW. Or this is the only chapter ;)_

_siagr;_


	2. Passion

**This story can be read two ways. The all the top sections first in Demyx's POV, then the bottom ones from Zexion's POV (minus the last chapter), or in regular top to bottom.**

* * *

When I turned eight, Zexion came to my birthday party, with Roxas, Sora, Namine, Kairi, Axel, Riku, Olette, Pence and Hayner. I was welcoming everyone in, when Roxas pulled me to the side. He seemed really anxious. He looked around quickly, and whispered in my ear that Sora had kissed Kairi. I freaked out. "Don't girls have cooties?!" Roxas nodded, and told me to steer clear of Sora throughout the whole party. I did.

More than once during that time, I caught them holding hands. Every time I scowled angrily at Sora, and dragged Zex off to go play with every one else. I didn't want anything to do with the two of them, but I wondered, in the very back of my mind, if it was the same as Zexion and I. If he felt the same thing kissing her, and holding her hand. So I asked him after the party, once everyone else had left, and Roxas was waiting for him in their mother's van.

"My heart pounds, and I kinda wish I could do it forever..." He said, blushing prettily.

* * *

It's been three weeks. Every Friday, I go faithfully to Demyx's concerts, no matter where they are. Every day of the week, I see that bastard's arm around his waist. Axel. That horridly effeminate, but still strikingly manly piece of shit, with his feline eyes, his wild mane of exotically coloured hair, and those tattoos that make him look oh-so-tough. I hated him.

But whenever Dem was around him... He looked so happy. He smiled, he laughed, he joked. He was popular, more so than he was with me. He has Roxas and Hayner, who got together recently, Sora and Kairi, who've been together since that party almost ten years ago... He's got Olette and Pence, and Namine. They're all amazing and funny and have positive features about them physically and socially...

And I have nothing... Not even the boy – no, man – I've loved since I was five...

_**-.-.-.-**_

_**A/N: **AWRR. So, Writer's Block strikes again. I will get you one day! (shakes fist angrilly)_

Soooo... Yeahp. Here it is, enjoy. AND REVIEW DAMMIT. Or I won't post more.

I live off reviews. :D

_siagr;_


	3. Dare

When I was ten, I'd gotten the 'talk' from dad, and had been sufficiently embarrassed by it. I checked in the mirror for facial and chest hairs, a sign that I was coming into manhood. I'd gotten into styling my hair, most often faux-hawking it, starting to grow my hair so it would look better. But unlike most boys around my age, I wasn't looking guiltily through my father's magazines under his bed in the black shoebox.

I was looking guiltily at my best friend of six years. My heart would flutter, my face would heat, and my eyes took on a mind of their own, not ever tearing themselves away from those smooth, surely soft lips. And I often caught myself wishing to do more than stare at them. Kiss them, and stare at broad expanses of bare chest. I wanted Zexion the way my father told me I was supposed to want girls...

How was I to cope with these impossible feelings?

* * *

He sang to him. Demyx sang a coming out, slash asking out song to Axel. In the middle of the English hall. And Axel had laughed, picked him up, and swung him around, kissing him boldly on the lips in front of everyone. In front of me. I'd lost him. I'd lost Demyx to that skinny bastard. Lost him for good. This was one time where having next to no emotions helped.

My few friends knew that something was up. Larxene and Cloud had both noticed that something was up, but thankfully didn't pry. However, seeing them holding hands with Marluxia and Leon respectively wasn't a very comforting sight. Why did Demyx leave me? Why had he left me on my own? Was it something I did? Was I not enough for him? I had always been enough for him! Ever since we'd met... But now...

Now I didn't get so much as a passing glance. I guess I'm just not good enough for that...

**-.-.-**

**_A/N: _**_Okay, skipped the thing at the top, because I thought you got the point already._

_Because I got so many reviews just over night, I figure  
HEY!  
They actually like this! :D_

_Won't like me when it's finished! I can tell you that. But I love you guys._

_So, as usual, REVIEW, or no more AkuDem.  
That's right, you know you love it. THEY'RE BOTH SO BUBBLY.  
And they'd make some sexy steeeaaaammm._

_siagr;_


	4. We Shout

Turning twelve was... fun. I could be close to Zexion without it seeming too much more than platonic, but we both knew it was. I could remember having all my friends over, everyone playing "Sitar Saviour" in the living room. Sora, Roxas, Axel and I were insanely hyper. We'd had the most pop and chocolate chip cookies out of everyone. I'd been playing with one of the scarves my mother had gotten me for one of my performances with the drama club at school.

I'd looped it around Zexion's neck, pulling him into a standing position from where he was sitting, watching Hayner play "Two" by Glistena. He'd grumbled at me.

"What the hell, Dem?"

"What'cha gonna do about it? Huh? Come and do something about it!" I'd cried, fleeing to my room, upstairs. He'd followed me, closing the door behind him after realizing we were alone.

And with silent consent, he'd laid me on my bed, and kissed me on the lips for the longest time ever.

* * *

I cornered him today. I caught him in the bathroom, after seeing Axel walk out, looking pleased with himself. He'd glared at me, but I ignored him.

I put both my hands on either side of Dem's head. He looked at me frightened. "Why?" I asked. "Why did you leave me?"

"Please don't, Zexion." He whispered. I slapped my hands against the wall, scaring him.

"Why?!" I near shouted. "What did I do, Demyx?! Was I not enough? I was _always _enough! _Always!!_ Was I not good enough to show off? Was I not good enough to _display?_ Ashamed of me, Demyx? _Afraid _to be _seen _with my lips _on _yours?!" Now I was shouting. Now I was screaming. Now I was _shrieking_. People could probably hear me out the door, but I didn't care. Demyx was whimpering pathetically, not answering my question. That enraged me. I let out a snarl. "Fine! But I know you love me like I love you! You _must_!"

"Don't, Zex!" He cried, tears welling in his eyes.

And I slammed his hips against mine, threw his shoulders against the wall, and crushed my lips on his.

**-.-'-.-'-.-**

**_A/N: _**_So, Since you like it, here's more._

DAMN, Zex is scary when he does that whole freak out thing. :D I love him.  
Poor Demyx though.

As always, REVIEW. Because you won't get Zemyx, or AkuDem.  
And I'll be kinda mad too. And my rants are long-winded and V. boring. And full of big long words  
Not fun.

THANKS!! 

_siagr;_


	5. Gomenasai

Thirteen. I remember watching that film. Well, I remember the parts I saw through my fingers. But when I turned thirteen, my life was as good as it could possibly be. I'd gotten through my first year of middle school, I'd made tons of new friends, and I'd made a habit out of making-out with Zexion at every opportune moment. Which was whenever no one was looking.

We always held hands, and all of my friends knew that Zex and I were close like that. But I never told them I was gay, never told them what went on between the two of us behind closed doors. We hadn't gotten to exploring _bodies_ just yet, but we had each other's mouths pretty much memorized. He knew where to put his hands on my back to make me melt into his arms. I knew where to press to make him moan deliciously.

I kept it a secret, because I wanted him to know that it was only ours. My touches, caresses, kisses, words, and stares were meant only for him, and not for anyone else to see. I loved him that much.

* * *

I raped him. Oh god. Oh _God_! I raped my best friend! I'd pulled him from the wall, and dragged him into a stall, and I raped him... Oh thank _God_ no one came in! I feel horrible... I raped him, and he screamed, and I did _nothing_. _Nothing_! I was just so... So! I couldn't think! I was... blinded, by rage, by anger... He wasn't answering! I couldn't stand it.

I raped him, and I'm sitting here making excuses about it? How must _he _feel?! Poor fool was always sensitive... I bet he's crying his heart out... Or maybe he's just violated... because he doesn't care about me any more...

My Demyx... The Demyx who sang to me when he was six, who I read to when I was eight, who ate brownies in his ice cream when he was four and I was five. The Demyx who stuck to my side like glue, who I would never have made it here with out. The Demyx without whom, I'd be dead right now...

My Demyx, the Demyx I loved... The Demyx I raped... Oh **_GOD_**!

**-.-'-.-'-.-**

**_A/N:_**_ DUN DUN BADUM... Whatcha gon do now foo'?_

_Here's an idea: Not kill me?  
I know, "CRUEL AUTHOR!! H8!" Just wait, it gets crueler, so save your anger for then. :D_

_If you really wanna know why it gets cruel...  
REVIEW. Since it makes me soooo happy. And a happy writer means more frequent updates!  
I vote yes._

_siagr;_


	6. Innocent Sorrow

The summer before tenth grade. I had just turned sixteen. Zexion was turning seventeen. I'd brought him up to my cottage with me. We'd shared a cabin, and ourselves there. He'd claimed me, and I'd screamed his name in ecstasy. We'd dirtied more then one set of sheets, and skinny dipping had become a passionate make-out session several times over. We were head over heels in love, and we were happy. Tremendously happy.

But at school... In the month between taking my virginity, and returning to school... Zexion had changed. He wasn't the quiet, but generally happy boy I had grown to love so passionately. He'd changed. His eyes were down cast more, his smile became more and more rare, even for me. I could tell he was sinking into depression, but he refused all of my attempts to save him. Maybe he ignored them. Maybe he didn't know that was what they were. But still... I had lost him.

So I tried to replace him... But the hole in my heart that he left was too big to cork.

* * *

Dear Demyx. I love you. More than is healthy. But I can't stand seeing you with him. He's not me. He can't be better than me. Does he know that the small of your back makes you melt? Does he know that your upper thigh is ticklish? Does he know that you have a birth mark on your right hip? Why did he get PDA? Why was I always kept a secret? I admit, it made me angry once, but my love for you is too strong for it to have mattered. Did you hate me? Did you just lose interest? I don't know. But I'm sorry for... what I did in the bathroom. I feel terribly guilty. And I'm sorry for this, and any sort of pain I cause you. But I want you to be strong. So just know Demyx, that I have loved you my entire life, and I will continue to love you, on into eternity, past the very precinct of death. I wish you every happiness there is. Love, forever and always, Zexion.

I put the pen down, smiling as my tears hit the paper, making some of the ink bleed. I hoped he would get this. I took a step, stood on the stool, and reached out, grabbing the noose hanging from a hole I drilled in the beam. I pulled it toward me, and put it around my neck.

And the last thing to enter my mind before I took that step, were beautifully blue eyes, and tousled tawny hair...

**-.-'-.-'-.-**

_**A/N: **OH NO!_

_Yeah. Bet you didn't see that one coming.  
OMGOMGOMG, though. Don't be all "OMGZORZ, this girl shud ttly b on soo-side wach."  
Cause I shouldn't be. The end is happy! Sorta...!_

_Oh I have no idea how I justified posting this in the first place...  
Well, if you enjoyed, you get the happy ending!  
But I only know if you enjoyed when you..._

_REVIEW._

_siagr;_


	7. The Last Night

Axel knows now. I told him after I got the note. I hadn't cried when I first got it, but now, after reading it a million times over, crying over the tears previously splattered, and wishing the arm around me was another one, I fear I've reached my limit. I've thrown up a couple times, but nothing too serious since I haven't eaten anything for a week. I'm almost as skinny as my boyfriend. A boyfriend I'm only keeping to curb the loneliness. A boyfriend who doesn't have uniquely silver hair, isn't nearly as intelligent and witty.

I've told him that I will never love him like I love Zexion. I've told him that I'm broken, and there's no warranty. I've told him that I'm not good enough for him. But every time, he shakes his red head, and he kisses my forehead gently, and says, "I love you, and Zexion wouldn't want you to give up."

So I've stayed with Axel. I feel guilty about imaging his arms are Zexion's, but I do it anyway, the guilt not enough to banish the need.

I'm standing in front of Zexion's casket, his closed eyes powdered. They did a good job. You can't even see the red marks any more. But when my tears fall in, the make-up starts to smear horridly. I smile. "He never liked make-up anyway." And taking a look around me, I make sure no one is looking, then lean in and press a kiss to his cold, but still soft lips. "I'll be happy enough for the both of us, Zexion. I love you, and we'll be together before you know it." I smile. I know he hears me. I don't know whether he's in heaven. We both never believed in that sort of stuff... But I hope he's some where that keeps him happy until I join him. I take Axel's hand, and let the tears stream down my face, smile never failing.

I love him enough to live on.

**-.-'-.-'-.-**

**_A/N: _**_Kay, so Sharpies felt really bad.  
I got all these reviews that were like..._

_"OMG, ZEX HUNG HIMSELF? WHAT ABOUT THE EPIC ZEMYX LURRVZ?"_

_Well... Not as epic right now as they may be, this was the best I could do.  
This is just my take on people who end their lives, just because someone close to them has either ended their own, or because they feel that they have no reason to live. Suicide hurts, not just you, but your loved ones, and their loved ones and so on. Suicide is not as personal as people think. It affects everyone on a very emotional level._

_So, Emotional!Rant finished, let's get some reviews, shall we?_

_Live strong, Live long,  
siagr;_


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